Blank

Today was blank.  Today I was a robot.  Today I forgot to go outside.  Today my work overtook me.  Today I remembered to smile, but forgot why.  Today I am tired.  Today I forgot to care.  Today I did not feel the objects I held.  Today I forgot to feel the wind on my face.  Today I did not hug anyone. Today I forgot to be amazed.   Today I was not empathetic.  Today I only thought of myself.  Today I did not see.

Today was the best day of my life.  

Not because of all the things I did not do, but because right now I remember all the things I forgot.

wondering aloud

I stare out at the sun, my star, our star.
I can hardly believe such a thing, so warm, and so bright.
This place makes me wonder, I will say it a million times, and then just one more.

I imagine myself like the grass.  Shaking off early morning dew and stretching out before the bright.
Taking in its glory, all filled up.  I lounge like the breeze to be warmed and rise.
I laugh at its beauty, and am overwhelmed by such simplicity.  The answer lies on the tip of my mind, but I cannot square it out.  That is not to say I do not know it, because sometimes I do, but its like water as it goes through my grasp.

This place helps me wonder.

Freedom

Life is good.  I am completely overwhelmed with tasks, and having so much fun not getting any of them accomplished.

 Tonight on my way home the stars were begging for my attention, all mysterious and beautiful.  Of course I gave in to their "showing off" and directed my gaze skyward.  Oh, to talk about love, or emotions, meaning and life is so easy, but what can I do when for the length of a moment I am lost?  Gone, from a place of doing and needing, tasks and deadlines, to a place of unknown, mysterious, and ancient.  I love this idea of ancient, a small link that I can barely see, and do not understand.  They as amazed, and baffled by the stars as I.  I set down all my obligations, and whole heartedly waved hello.

memory

The smell of woodsmoke = memories, and longing.

 I cannot help but think of a room with warm light.  Everything here is worn, used, tattered, necessary, comfortable, cared for, and  the people share themselves.

Love is real.






The studio is good.  I am working hard, and having fun.

a little - a lot

The world is quiet,
 at this hour the yellow glow gathers in empty parking lots.
My footfalls sound important.
The mind stills in the mist of my breath.
As the hours pass the world grows even quieter,
every movement, every sound profound in the ghost light.
A pale blue will soon lighten the horizon and the world will slowly awake,
a soft stirring at first that will build into the blazing, hysteria of the day.

Good Night.

looking

The rain has come.  I received my wish, and was able to sit for a bit.  My senses ablaze, the watching, listening and dank smells of earth.  The car lights both red and white reflected off the pavement.  They make a music of steady splashing.  Watching the cars, the horizon, and the sky brings on a slightly enjoyable melancholy, a dull ache.  This striving, and insistent goings on of life, with its passing of time so secretive,  as I watch I never see it, but as soon as I turn my head it is gone.    



                                                                                                     Playing with day 7

finally made it

what if life was the best thing going.  I was thinking how much easier life would be if I could look at It as the destination.  What I mean is that our culture puts so much emphasis on achievement that I never feel like I get there, because there is always something else to achieve.  Maybe if I could see life as the achievement.  That being alive is enough, and that life is the most important thing.  I am there.  I made it.  All the things that I do in the sphere of life are just add ons, a little spice, like cinnamon.  I like this idea so much, because it takes off much of the pressure that society applies to the ideas of success, and being good enough.  We are already good enough, being human is entitlement.    I am there, man.                                                               

                                          Today I worked on Day 28 - honesty

stumped

Today was the day, as I am sure tomorrow will be.  The all important day.  The day that happens everyday, and will continue to happen until the day when the days end.

I am working.  I am happy.  Good food, tea, friends, art, health, garlic, family, beautiful world, what else could one ask for?  Chocolate?

  Finally, finally I sit down in the breeze.  A nearby pine dances and sways, it looks so happy from here.  The breeze flits across my skin.  The world is quiet.  How, I wonder when I love so much to do nothing, do I do it so infrequently?  To just sit,
watching, listening, no where to go, no thing to do.  Ah, the
breeze carries me away, if only for a little while to
remind me why I love life.    

Importance

Just another of those days that seem long, but is gone none the less.  I wonder if someday these are the days that add up to create a lifetime that has slipped by?  It is slipping by.  No matter how important all the
"little" and "big" things, the days are sneaking by.  How I wonder do we stop them, how do I stop them?  How do we find those moments that last forever?  The ones that make this life worthwhile.  The ones that make it something great, and something grand.  I will admit that within my day I am chore crazy, moving from one job to the next.  There are those moments that catch my breath, many in fact, and yet as I lay back right now I just wonder where they all went?  Funny how it is so light at times, and so heavy at others.

to do or not to do

Today was great.  I am having a hard time believing in winter right now.  The weather is so mild.

I got a lot of time in the studio, but am not sure exactly what I accomplished.  The tasks are great, and the time seems small.  Battle on, battle on.  My show will open on the 20nd of March.

My students have a paper due tomorrow entitled:  How do I change the world in my daily life?  I decided to do the assignment as well.  Here is a brief of mine.

Imagine that we are pebbles dropped into a pool of water.  We move through our days, the ripples of our actions flowing out from us.  The force in which a pebble is dropped into water is important, as is the distance the ripples must travel.

I am not sure I really want to change the world.  I do not know how it should go, I only know how I like my own, and sometimes I do not even know that.

the purge

I know this blog is supposed to archive my art work, but I just cannot help using it as a place to share my other triumphs and losses.  It just feels so good.

Recently I have fallen (I will not say in love) in like.  As it goes this woman does not share my interest, and so of course I with all the feelings of melancholy, and sadness (which I do enjoy at times, but at others imagine that I could do without emotion all together).  Since my heart cannot be filled the analytic mind begs to be, and so I had this realization:

In all the mornings I have never once asked my blood to circulate, nor the heart to beat.  The mind seems to whirl on its own account.  May I ask then how I can expect to control love?  Love pulls us up at the most unexpected times, it will not be called, and will not go when asked.  Love is a clamorous robber, a silent saint who takes and gives as the breeze, as the heart beats - unbidden.

Today

I seem to think a lot about trying to exit my daily routines, and seek adventure.  Ahh, but imagine all the adventure that happens in the most ordinary of days.  When I roll from my slumbers the adventure begins.  Moments hold within them the new, the unknown, the adventure.

Today was just like all the others....mysterious, adventuresome, uncertain.  I had to break into my own apartment with the use of a really long ladder and a friend.  What a sight it must have been.

Oh yeah, I worked in the studio and am excited for sleep.
 Off to the adventure of dreams.

Day now

A trip to Wash. DC today to get my art batteries all charged up.  I found some new heroes, and revisited some old ones.  I am convinced that well made objects can change the world.  I found myself taking some of the lessons that I learned from the work out into the world.  My life better for it.

Poem Time:

Tonight I long for a thunderstorm.  Me on a back porch, the rain patiently falling.  Lightning showing off the clouds, all whites, oranges, and purples, but just a peek at a time, its luminescence scattered across the sky.  Far off thunder speaks of power, and mystery, a low rumbling that joins me to the earth.  the warm summer air brings with it moisture, its temperature just warm enough to be felt on the skin.  I in a chair, maybe family, maybe friend, or alone, it is the quiet and calm that I long for, the magical enchantment of the unknown.

Forever ever

Yesterday, and today two of my studio mates helped me decorate a few forms by showing me the techniques that they often use for their own work.  The experience was really fun.  Seeing them in a new light, and having time to talk with and question them was insightful and gave me a new way to know them.  Sarah is interested in the process of drawing lines and state of mind that comes about through repetition and performance.  Mandy's process is more physical and involves a looser way of using color and line, while giving over some control to the possibilities of the material.

The time comes to reach way down deep - to look inside, to find the me I am looking for, and then I hear the rain, and remember it is not all about me, its all about we.  I wonder how much my letting go enables you to do the same - the rain too.
                                                                                     

Lines on the wall

I imagine blowing grasses in a long field.  Their tips are yellowish green and they stretch as far as I can see.   I am way above them comfortably sitting, just watching.  My mind cools down in this space, because there is so much of it, just going.  After a long day this view brings the breath I had forgotten about, and I take it in, way in and release.  With it goes a lot of trouble, no trouble really, but living and working is hard.  Things come up, and the days are long.  I see these words working their way across the page and I imagine how personal it is even to share such little things.  Now a stronger breeze comes up, strong enough to give the grasses a voice.  They chant out a song, and their earthy smell reaches me.  I am somber here, no mood at all.  I will visit this place in my dreams, and it will teach me.  

The 8th Dwarf

Hi ho hi ho its back to work I go.

Today was great.  It is going to take a bit of work to get back to good, but choices are so easy when so few.

I am excited for dreams, as well as sleep, to give myself away until I awake.  Some mornings I lay and remember such adventures, such stakes, and laugh a bit to myself - how serious it all seemed there in that place, and now I laugh, how serious it all seems - awake.

One too many lemons

This image is what I walked into the studio today to see.  My heart sank a bit.  This is the work of about a week and a half to two weeks.  Obviously I have not learned as much about shelf building as I had suspected, but am learning stoicism quite quickly as of late.
After the clean up and a review of my schedule and time possibilities I am not discouraged too badly.  I realize that the gods have noticed my lack of lemonade, and although I have found no honey as of yet, they must have thought that I might still enjoy some lemons.  Ahh get ready for some great hummus you gods of gravity.

The day of days

The meaning of life stares back at me.  Oh please let it be something that might touch my heart.  Let life be glad of the stars, and the sky.  To forget what I lack, and see those things in front of me, to see them in a glory.  A way that might bring a smile, some joy, and a truth.  A truth that need not be tucked away in my heart, but one that I can be proud to hold forth and share.

Today was all business maybe I should say busy ness.  The salt firing results were better than I had anticipated.  I was worried the structure of the larger forms might not hold up, but they did great.  I also worked on day 8 = chaos and a loss of control.

start my heart

Maya Lin    "Systematic Landscape"

Today was wonderful.  Time was slow, and so much happened.  This morning a bit of school and a bit of studio.  And then some friends and I traveled to Pittsburgh to hear a lecture by the artist Maya Lin.  Her words were clear and concise, and her art is beautiful, thoughtful, and intelligent.  I feel like a better person for having listened to her talk.  If you are interested    http://www.mayalin.com/    go here and you too can be a better person because of art.  She has a show at the Carnegie (CMOA) which is really impressive, and fun.

the difference of same

Fired a salt kiln today.  In regards to the pieces for day 3.  Time will tell.

I like writing "poetry," it is a nice way to come to grips with my feelings, and thoughts (I am not sure if these are actually different things, but for the sake of understanding I wanted to use both words).

My thinking lately has been so focused on the idea of vulnerability, and trying to open up.

We hold so tight to love - like children with balloons. That long concrete path stretches out before us, dry, cold - known.

love wants so badly to float - to adventure - to soar - of course such things must find the ground again, but what should we do if we do not seek beyond those clouds?  The dizzying heights, valleys so low.  

The dusty corner

Did you see the snow today?

Sometimes the flakes fell fast.

Sometimes they just meandered, turning corners, floating, drifting, taking one another by the hand, laughing, singing, enjoying the slow steady pace towards the ground, all the while nothing but to breath, and just before they landed a meandering, gentle breeze would take them up, way up, and let them roll off its smooth breath, just to watch them float, one another, joined, together, nothing to do but land and show off the beauty of quiet.  I did not watch either, but I can imagine it was wonderful.

Who?

Today was great, grand, fine, just perfect - everybody on the bus.

I was thinking about who decides when I am happy, or who makes the decision to say that I am sad.  Hell yes its me.  So why then would I let someone else tell me when I am successful?

Full Moon

The moon is way up, so beautiful.

Here is an image from today's studio adventures.  They are in regards to day 2.

Today was really nice, nothing too special, except for those moments.
 I read Lao Tzu in regards to Taoism.  I can only imagine how beautiful the prose was before translation, because the translation is so wonderful.

The writings lead me to think a little about our   societal goals.  This is what I came up with:

We spend our time for money,
in hopes to buy free time.

Day by Day, minute by minute

I will make this quick, I am tired and ready for dreams.

Today was mostly writing, a bit of studio.  We are expecting our materials shipment tomorrow, so I will be able to get back to work full swing, I am looking forward to hermitting in my studio.

The last few days have held some really great happenings, but also more lemons than I am used to.  I am trying so hard to make lemonade.  The idea of seeing hardships as little stepping stones to becoming a more tolerant, less stressed person sounds so awesome, but being able to take such a path is difficult.  I am learning, but some honey would be sweet... (forget about it).

Daydreams

Today was sun, and it was a perfect sunday.  I spent enough time inside working and enough time outside enjoying.  

I have been working on the boxes for day 12.  the idea was how to represent outside, and inside.   I used a drill to make all the holes.  

I had a conversation with a friend today about love.  I have been trying to understand why I do not let love overtake me more often.  Why do I not hunt it down?  Why not find it and let it fill me up?  I do not mean only physical love, but all forms of love.  Maybe love is not the right word, maybe instead I will say goodness, or happiness.  I mean the physical feeling of contentment, with a slight mix of excitedness.  This is a feeling I get when I relax a little and really start to pay attention to what is happening outside of my head.  I let go and bada bing-bada boom I am all filled up with love.  I want to do this more.

Day Off

Today I did not even go into the studio.  I went instead to visit the fam.  I love going home, it is so nice to go somewhere and visit with people who will love you no matter what you do, or who you are.

I think the news media gets it all wrong.  They make humans out to be so bad all the time.  You know, robbing, stealing, playing silly games.   I was out and about a bit today, and you know what I saw?  I saw people who were trying to make one another happy.  People doing nice things for one another and trying, in very small ways, to make the lives around them a little better.  Way to go people.  

win some lose some

I did very little physical work today.  I am trying to dedicate enough time to my reading and writing.  A few chores came up today, in the end I did not have much time in the studio, so with the little time I did have I tried to cross my i's and dot my t's.

I also did not have the best day emotionally.  For whatever reason I was feeling a little unsettled.  This led me to think how important it is for me to consciously try to be a part of and face those feelings of unease.  There is a sort of magic in trying to feel, and be apart of all emotions - no matter my notions of whether they are good or bad.
I do not want my life to pass by just because I am trying to escape the way that I feel.

still

I worked on decorating the day one boxes again today.  They are tedious and painstaking, because I have to handwrite all the words with underglaze, it is a nice change of pace though.
  I drank tea like a madman, which was counterproductive since the work required sitting quietly and concentrating.  All that caffeinated energy would build up, and I would then harass those around me for a few moments.  So fun.

I had a really in-depth conversation with a friend tonight that made me realize just how opinionated I am.  Not that it is a bad thing, but as much as I realize that the best answer usually lies in the middle, my personality seems to forget.  And in the end what am I really wanting to accomplish?  It seems important to approach others with the understanding that they are not going to be, or think like me.  So how do I go half-way, and meet them with understanding and respect?  This seems so easy, but I fear that beliefs and ideals are ingrained so deeply that it is anything but easy.      

So serious for so much fun.

A New Beginning

Not working on creating the boxes today was a nice change of pace.  I started to decorate a few from days one and twenty six.  I missed the notebook just a little, but I thought that this space could enable me to get out some of my thoughts.

As a kid I remember walking onto my grandmother's porch at night.  The smell was always of earth, moisture, decay, regrowth, and a little love that would follow me out of the house.   A night breeze would move across my skin.  I was always a little afraid of the darkness off the porch, and the possibility of what existed within it.  

Tonight those old smells found me, and the breeze too.  Only now I am searching that space off the porch, although that fragrance of love is still all around.